Big Brother

On the way home from bible study on Wednesday, Zac told me, "I wish I was a big brother."

I say, "Oh really? Maybe someday God can put a baby in Mommy's tummy."

He says, "Yeah, someone told me that today."


Apparently, someone made a statement about him being excited about being a big brother. I'm clearly pregnant, and I'm guessing his teachers at bible study mentioned it to him.

So, Brian and I decided it was do-or-die time. We needed to tell him.


Last night, we went out to Pei Wei (YUM) and then to Barnes and Noble to find some books. It was recommended to us that we do this through "bibliotherapy" and so we got a stack of children's books to flip through.

Brian had gone to the restroom only to come back to find me sobbing and sobbing in the middle of a big pile of books.


All of a sudden, I just had overwhelming thoughts of how this was going to impact my sweet little relationship with ZZ, the dynamics of our little family... and how in the world will I EVER love another little person as much as my baby boy?! I've been around other children for his whole life - and as much as I love kids - no one can come close to the love I have for Zachariah. He and Brian have my heart... how can I share it with someone new? Will Zac feel left out? Less loved? Reading these books designed the reassure the sweet little hearts of older siblings.... it was just too much.

I needed one to reassure me.

Then I thought about our special time in the morning... when ZZ wakes up (not supposed to come in our room until 7, but always finds a really important reason to be early) and comes in our bed for Cuddle Time. One of his two main love languages is physical touch. Cuddle Time is a crucial start to our morning, and is never forgotten. He spends time with each of us, and will rub our backs, play with my hair... sometimes he will cradle our face in his hands and tell us how lucky he is or how much he loves us. It's unbelievably SWEET!!!!! He's such a morning person, and it is a blessing to wake up this way for our family. He just makes us melt. And I wonder.... how will the new baby fit in here....

And I think about when we all drive places. Something we love to do is sing and dance. Like, all 3 of us. One time, on the long drive back from my parent's ranch, "Living on the Edge" came on. Zachariah just loves the hard rock songs where he can totally jam out. Well, we all were so into this song. It was full blast in the car and we were literally screaming the chorus while playing our air guitars and drums. I treasure these silly moments. And I think.... car rides will be so different now.....

Dinner time is another favorite time. We sit around and each of us has to give a "high" and a "low" of the day. It's a great time to talk and listen and include everyone in the conversation. We love hearing Zac's thoughts and what really impacted him on that day. Where does a baby fit in?


I know it will all work out... and hopefully this is all normal to feel like this. (is it? feel free to reassure me!!!)


Anyways, this morning, with my swollen eyes (gotta love what a good cry does to your face the next day), we sat Zac on the couch and told him he was going to be a big brother.




He's a processor (much like me), so he didn't have much to say. No questions, no thoughts. He's going to need some time to process this.

And in true ZZ fashion, he will bring it up - probably while we're driving somewhere or right before bedtime on a random night - and have a question or two. He doesn't want a big deal to be made out of this kind of thing and we're letting him go with that. The great thing is a great friend of mine (who's daughter is Zac's age and they just love each other) is also pregnant. So he will be able to have a friend going through the same thing.


Zac's not the kind of kid you can parade up to someone and say, "ZZ! Tell so-and-so our BIG news!!!" It makes him uncomfortable.

I might do something like hang a picture of how big the baby is somewhere in the house where he can see it when he wants to see it - but not make a big deal about it. I know he will be curious, but will need to adjust to it all in his own time. He has a while to get used to the idea, and we are patient enough to wait for him to let this all sink in over the next couple months. We plan on bringing him to our sonogram where we find out boy or girl (end of April!!!!). Also, we'll let him help us put the crib together, hang curtain rods, etc.

He's a guy - sometimes less words and something to DO is a better way to process... ;)


So, big hurdle #1. Check.


Now, today we are off to our first (out of three) easter egg hunts of this weekend. Dad's home today, so we are excited!!! Off to spend time with my boys!!!