New again

Selah Grace started crawling yesterday. Her left arm reaches wildly for her destination, and her body drags along behind her. Usually laughing as she goes somewhere she shouldn't, after something dangerously non-edible.

Flashing back, I see Zachariah crawling towards me. Same bald head. Same big eyes. Same little body.

Sometimes, when she lets me, I will sway in the darkness of Selah Grace's night-night routine... her sweet tiny body in my arms, my eyes blurry with love. And I will think that it is Zachariah's head resting on my shoulder. And sometimes the flashbacks aren't pleasant. It was a hard time, holding that little baby boy. Holding him tight. My eyes blurry with pain.

Selah Grace's precious milestones sometimes bring tough memories, even for just a fleeting second. Deep down, the wounds, hidden in my heart. Not to ruin her moment, I ask for peace to rise above it.

He carried me.

My broken mess. Laid before the Lord. An offering.

A reminder of God's redemption. His grace. All things old, made new again.