Back to the schedule!

We had a wonderful weekend.

Lots of friends came over to meet Selah Grace! She and I were both very tired on Saturday evening after all the socializing. Brian suggested going to get the vinyl letters (YAY!!!!), but I barely remember the trip since I slept in the car the whole way.

She slept SO great on Saturday night! We really meant to go to church on Sunday morning, but when she fell asleep first thing in the morning, I took that opp to take a really long nap with her. And woke up to a clean house and warm grilled burgers from Brian. He is SO AWESOME.

Sunday night we did get to go to church. On the way, I checked my voicemail and it was a sweet college friend of mine. After that, I was a mess. I cried all through praise and worship.

There's something about the vulnerability of total reliance on God.... it's just a crazy place to be.

Crazy isn't the right word.

I don't know what is.


Anyways, being in the Word, being in God's house, being surrounded by His presence.... it's a place of peace for both of us. And we just held each other. While God held us.


One thing we know we need to do is get with some friends who have walked this path before us. We've heard sad news about other babies before and felt so sad. But it's NOTHING like experiencing it with your own child.

And I think know there's some fear in joining the club of parents who have children with any special needs. Like if we join them, then all of a sudden this is much more real. And we don't want it to be real.

I asked the pediatrician on Friday, "So, her case just seems so mild. What's the possibility this is all wrong? Or are we just in denial? haha....."
And he said (very gently - he's really nice), "Don't be in denial. It's something."

And it's hard to find the line between HOPE and REALITY. We have hope. We are told to have hope. We are relying on hope. But His hope doesn't mean we'll have a free pass through life.

And it's sometimes hard to find 100% JOY. Because there is this something nagging. And when people see her - like at church last night - she looks so cute and sweet and so perfectly healthy. And we want to have joy and pride in showing her off and gushing at her with others. But in the back of our minds, it's like - well, she's got this thing. And we just want to protect her and shield her and be defensive of her.

I know Brian's at work today, probably not working much, but rather fielding office visits from congratulating coworkers, and showing her picture, and sharing about his crazy screaming wife in labor. But I saw in his eyes this morning the reluctance of dealing with all that, and not being able to have the glowing innocence of a brand new father. And how each time someone stops by his office today, wondering if they know... and if they know, will they bring it up?... and if they don't, do you say something?... And it just clouds it a little bit.

And then there's the "at least she doesn't have ___" or "at least she isn't ____." "It could be so much worse." and "oh, my kid gets a rash all the time."

Even Brian and I will say to each other things like, "special needs children are SO sweet and positive, and they work so hard through challenges with amazing perseverance!"

Like we wanted her to learn perseverance this way.

Maybe we are learning it instead.






ANYWAYS.

We went to pick up Zac, and took him out for some mexican food. We do this every other Sunday. It's a late dinner for him, but his schedule is usually so messed up at this point, that another late bedtime is just par for the course. Then he falls asleep on the way home, and we can have a fresh start on Monday. It was great to see him and he was SO excited to see Selah Grace. She did awesome and church and through dinner.

Once Zac fell asleep in the car, she lost it. We pulled over to nurse her (and change the explosions from her diaper), then she cried the rest of the way home. This is the 2nd time she's been really fussy after a Mexican restaurant. We don't think she likes it. Makes Brian so sad! (we have, like, FOUR mexican restaurants that we visit regularly.....lol)

Selah Grace had another wonderful night last night. And we managed to get Brian out of the door this morning, somewhat on time... kind of... But I got a shower before he left, which was really important to me!


We have nothing planned today, except for a Walmart trip. Which I hope we make it through! And I have to get on the phone with insurance (good times) to get all these new doctors cleared and appointments set up.



My c-section recovery is going really well. I'm off pain pills. I am up and around just fine. Brian had to help me in and out of bed for a while. Going from vertical to horizontal (and vice versa) was SO painful!! But that's getting a lot better. The stairs aren't as hard anymore. And I still can't carry Zac, or Selah Grace's carrier, but I'm sure I will soon. I'll just have her in a sling today at Walmart. Keeps the crazies away. ;)


Off to cuddle with my sweet boy before my angel baby wakes up!